Despite Epilepsy affecting 65 million people across the globe, the actual cause, for the most part, remains widely unknown. Back in 2012, I was diagnosed with Photosensitive Epilepsy which occurs in less than 5% of people diagnosed.
Every person that is Epileptic is different and the types of seizures vary. My seizures are known as convulsive seizures. Generally I will lose consciousness during the seizure and will convulse. Once I come around, I have no recollection of the seizure and I’ll have the biggest headache ever (no surprise!).
For me, being told by my Doctor that I had Epilepsy was not the biggest problem. I know that both medication and being aware of my triggers will help me to control it. The biggest problem I have is the constant mind games it plays with my mind. I find myself analysing every single thing in life: from where I sit on a bus to what I do socially. Every single damn thing. One of the most difficult situations that I find extremely hard to deal with are nights out. Back in university, I would be out several times a week with my friends drinking and dancing. I loved it and could think of nothing better than getting dressed up and heading out. Now, I am a shadow of the person that loved to go out. Any time that a night out is mentioned now, my mind goes into overdrive and I analyse it way beyond belief. Truth be told, I don’t normally put myself in that kind of environment any more. As much as I love my friends and nights out, I always play the safe card now and tend to remove myself completely. In recent times, the only time that I have seen the whole night through was my work’s Christmas night out. Even then, my mind was in overdrive and I was analysing everything like crazy. During the night, I was actually on Whatsapp to my friends freaking out (a lot). Their advice was to leave if I was uncomfortable (which I was) but that small stubborn streak inside of me wanted to stay as despite freaking out, I was really enjoying myself with my colleagues. In the end I did stay and I even made it onto the dance floor right at the very end. A small victory if I may say so.
Coping with having Epilepsy is obviously something that I’m still trying hard to deal with. I am actively trying to minimise my triggers: I now drink little to no alcohol; I’m always in bed before midnight (usually around 11) and I try to live a stress-free life. Something that I have found that really is helping me to cope is, unsurprising to some, the gym. When I’m at the gym, I am not actively analysing everything around me. I am completely 100% focused on what I am doing whether that is working on improving my squat technique or having a bit of a dance during Sh’bam. At the gym, I am probably at my most content and relaxed in regards to my Epilepsy as I know that I can class it as a ‘safe place’ and I can enjoy myself.
With my Epilepsy, I am taking each day as it comes. I still have a long way to go until I feel completely happy to put myself into any situation without feeling the need to analyse everything. I have little milestones that I want to achieve and as I’m the kind of person that likes to prove myself wrong, I’m hoping that one day I will be able to reach them. But at the moment I am taking things slowly and as they say ‘Slow and steady wins the race’.
